A2 Vegan

A middle aged vegan living in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a small mid-west college town.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Gonna be ok....I think...

Not so worried about the grocery job anymore. Well, disapointed....but not in a panic. It's sad when someplace goes from a great place to work to a nightmare. Can't control that though. I told the manager of the diner about what was going on and he says he will give me more hours. So that is a good thing. I am going to try sticking it out at the grocery at least until the end of the week. I don't want to make my manager look bad there but the store manager is just a creep and I am way to thin skinned right now to deal with it.

I have been on the verge of tears or crying alot lately. Can't seem to control it too well. Miss my baby, Maggie, so much. I still can't touch her toys or put away her food dish. I know I have to go on and all that. Still, I am mourning.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Seriously MIxed Up Weird Day

The drama at the grocery continues. Now my manager wants to quit because of the new store manager. Quess he has been bugging her all day. I didn't work there today but went in because she sounded so upset on the phone today. You know just to check on her and give her a little hug. She is really sad about how every thing is going down. I really feel bad for her. She is interested in maybe taking Lacey to live with her mother though. She thinks Lacey might get along really good with her. I'm kind of hoping that would work out.

One of the ladies from the Nesting Place talked to me on the phone this morning and I let her in on what was going on at the grocery. She was really nice and even came into the diner this evening. She doesn't think I need the grieve from the grocery. She's got that right.

This was something really nice that happened to me today! One of the ladies at the diner I work at gave me a new pair of shoes!!! Some of the other waitresses were really concerned that the shoes I've been wearing weren't 'waitress friendly'. As in really cute but not good for standing in for 10 hours. So, she claims that she had these in her closet and that they never fit her. (This after the manager's wife kept bugging me about what size shoe I wear. Then going on about how small my feet are.) Anyhow it was really one of the sweetest things someone has done for me in a while. I am insisting on giving her something for them but she won't take much.

Oh, got told that another grocery is hiring in the neighborhood. So I am off to apply there. I know someone who works there so maybe I can use that as some kind of leverage.

There have been a lot of caring comments from people who have learned about my decision to have my kitty girls put to sleep. I really appreciate all the care and concern. I can't express how much it helps to know there are still some good and caring people. Thank you all so very much. If I could I would give you all a big hug!

Oh Just Great

Did I mention I was cashiering at a local market? Well, I may not be much longer. The management is changing. In the past 2 weeks over 4 of the managers have quit. Mostly due to redirection and oh I am not too sure what all. Just a lot of bad feelings going around. We have a new manager now and he is a terror. A sneaky terror. As in he hangs out behind things and spys on us and then goes to our immediate manager and complains about us.

My manager called me this morning. Seems 1st thing this morning he goes to her and says "We have to talk." Then goes on this speel about how bad I was as a cashier...ok, not just me but the other girl I was cashiering with last night. Apparently he felt we were rude to customers??? He never said anything about it to us last night. So what he is referring to I have no idea. Now they are talking about moving me to stocking groceries. My manager is against that and wants to keep me. She is upset about the whole thing and doesn't believe any of his complaints.

Anyway, the place is changing alot and not for the best in my opinion. It is a neighborhood grocery not a giant chain. We spend a lot of time talking with the customers and joking with them. I think he wants to make it more 'professional'. He has a low opinion of townies. He voiced that last night. So I am really confused how and why he came to this grocery.

I am trying not to stress over it too much. To tell the truth I was hoping to find another job than this. I still have my waitress job and maybe they will give me more hours to help out for awhile. I will have to check that out. Grrrr...just when I was starting to feel a little bit more secure....darn....

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Crying Jag

Been on a two day crying jag. Had to stop to go to work today though. Maybe that was a good thing. I miss Maggie more than I can describe. Sleeping is nearly impossible without her next to me.

Lacey is being spoiled rotten. If I don't find a home for her in the next two weeks I will have to put her down too. That is going to be really rough.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Maggie


Maggie

My beloved friend Maggie was put to sleep this morning at 9:45. She was purring and peaceful till the end, held in my arms at first with her paws wrapped around my neck. Then she layed on a mat and had her belly rubbed as she continued to slip away. Although I will miss her so much I feel that I have been so very honored to have had the time we spent together.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Big Smile and Big Dimples

Got a surprise visit from the newest girl at the grocery store! She came into the diner I work at just to say hello!!! How sweet...quite a surprise!!!!!!

She's a lovely girl, with a big smile and great dimples. She is only just 17 and what a great person. She likes me she says because I am so funny....heheheheh. Anyway we are hoping to work together again soon.

Saw the greek guy again tonight too. He was obviously hungry...all he could talk about was food. Still it was great to see him.

Trying hard to focus on the good things. There are still some good things. Nice people are good things.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Their Baaaaccckkkkk

Well, the town is being invaded by the students. Happens every year. The time every townie looks at with mixed emotions. On one hand the income gets much better for a lot of us, on the other hand some students are...well...RUDE. There's always this adjustment period when the students come back. Eventually they learn that being rude to townies gets them nowhere and settle down. The freshman learn that partying everynight puts them on propation so they quiet down. In the meantime.....errrr yeah.....

Monday, August 21, 2006

Trying to Adjust

Starting to make new friends. Still pissed off at those who use to say they were but...anyway. It feels good to have some people to laugh with. Takes my mind off problems. One is this young greek who is 25 years younger than me. He keeps telling me I am not old...hah! Oh yes I am. Still he is charming and funny.

Friday I have Maggie put to sleep. I am trying to prepare myself. The grocery store gave me Friday and Saturday off...just because. I expect I will take it very hard when it happens. Lacey I am still hoping to find a home for. Though if it doesn't happen in the next 2 weeks she will have to be put to sleep too.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Scolded

Well I got reamed a new one by someone today. I was calling around to find out the cost of putting my cats down. Several places told me that they would not euthanize (sp?) any animal that might possibly find another home. These cats I was told should be sent to the Humane Society.

Quote: "Are you saying that you would rather murder your cats than give them a chance to find another home?"

Ok, another case of not knowing all the facts. I have called the Humane Society. They are not a 'no kill' sanctuary. Nor will they attempt to home all cats that come to them. In fact I was told that Maggie they would not try to home at all and that it was extremely doubtful that they would try with Lacey, given her age and timid nature. Seems they prefer outgoing cats???

Ok, maybe I am wrong but I don't want my girls afraid or to suffer. If they are not going to be rehomed then I would rather be there with them when they are put to sleep. I don't want them among strangers in strange surroundings. I want to be there to stroke them and tell them that I love them but even the best I could do just wasn't good enough.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Needed Someone

I made the mistake of trying to call a couple of my 'friends' the other day. No response and I am starting to get really upset with them. It is not like I have borrowed any money from them. I have this thing about doing things by myself. I would accept help for my kitty girls if I had to but the rest is up to me. At least that is the way I see it. I just really wanted someone to talk to.

It is hard not to be angry. Angry at the job that decided that I no longer fit their 'image'. Angry at the people that promised to always to be there. Angry at the people who wouldn't think of hiring someone my age. Just angry.

The ladies at the Nesting Place have told me that what I have gone through with jobs, job hunting and with friends is all very normal. Maybe I will feel a lot better when I am there and have others around me who understand?

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Another Not So Good Day

I was throwing up yesterday. Couldn't go into work. I am hoping that it doesn't cause me to lose that job. Worried about that now too. They were nice on the phone about it though.

Today I begin throwing things out that I can't take with me. That is going to be kind of rough. Couldn't sell any of it either. I made a list of what I want to keep but I don't think I can keep all of that list. Not much room where I am going to. Just a room.

I am trying to think that in ways this is a good thing. Starting over fresh and all that.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Not a Good Day

Didn't have a good day today. Mostly I just felt like crying. I've been hoping for some kind of miracle. That I would win the lotto or something. Hasn't happened and I am beginning to accept that it just isn't going to happen.

Hanging in there but sad just the same.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Damn But You Won't Believe This

Just got back from another processing interview for the Nesting Place. I am stunned. Seems that my responsibility (we all have to take on chores when we move in) will be to supervise the kitchen. At least that is the plan as of now. HEEEEE....vegan in the kitchen!!!!!!

OK, now I know that all of them are omnis that I have met so far. There are rumors of a vegetarian lurking around there somewhere. Still I think I can sneak a couple of vegan meals in there now and then. I was really worried about what I would be eating too. I am actually getting excited about this part!

Now if I could just find a good home for Lacey. That is haunting me.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Struggling

I am having one of those days struggling with my emotions. I go from being incredibly angry to just melting in tears. So far I haven't been able to find a home for Lacey. I love her so much that it is incredible to me that someone else wouldn't find her adorable and want her.

Someone asked me if I couldn't find a friend to take her in. That's a problem as my friends seem to have disapeared lately. It is common I am told. The ladies at the Nesting Place said that "Everyone sees themselves in you and it scares them." Well, the smart ass in me just goes "Well, their definately off my Christmas card list".

I quess I can understand why they are afraid. I never thought this would happen to me. I have supported myself since I was 16. I have never been without a job that enabled me to take care of myself. Although the jobs I have now are pretty low on the ladder compared to what I use to do it took me nearly 1 1/2 years to get them. It is that hard to find a job. To tell the truth I am enjoying waitressing....go figure. Just wish it paid more. I keep getting told that I need to be patient. "Wait till school starts. Then you will get more hours. Then we will be busier." Well maybe, it is a college town.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Maybe I Should Explain More

I got some comments privately that made me believe I confused some people. I have found 2 jobs but they are very part time and don't pay much at all. The temp agency I was working for hasn't had much to offer either. The best they have done for me in the past several months was 2 days work a month. Can't support myself on that. With the cost of living in Ann Arbor and the lack of low cost housing .... well I am just lucky that there is a place like the Nesting Place to go to. Otherwise, I would be trying to live out of my car.

I am annoyed that my age is such an issue when job hunting. It seems when a woman reaches a certain age the world expects her to just disapear. I quess that is why we are called 'Shadow Women'. That is the term that was taught me at the Nesting Place. A lot of people don't realize that they are homeless....they clean themselves up in public washrooms and spend their days reading at libraries or wandering around the mall. Most have no idea how to deal with social services and keep their distress very quiet.

I never liked the feeling of being invisible....hear me!!!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Life Doesn't Always Go As Planned

Well sometimes life just throws one hell of a curve. That is what is happening to me now. I lost my job and at 54 I find that the workforce wants nothing to do with me. So I am forced to give up my apartment. The worst of it is giving up my kitty girls.

Maggie has bladder problems and is on a special diet. She is very emotional and attached to me. I believe it is best to put her to sleep rather than put her through the stress of rehoming. Lacey I am hoping to rehome as she is very clean and quiet. She would be an excellent indoor cat for someone who doesn't want to fuss that much over a cat. She is very timid but sweet and would warm up to someone in time.

As for me, I will be moving to someplace called the Nesting Place. It is a sort of dorm for women with financial problems. I think I will be ok. Right now I am feeling a bit like a failure in life. At least at the Nesting Place I have met other women like me. Those who have worked all their lifes but somehow it all goes bad. Maybe I should just think of it as a new beginning????